


Honesty

by MissAppropriation



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Best Friends, Episode: 2014 Xmas Last Christmas, Feels, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Honesty, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Impossible Girl, POV Clara Oswin Oswald, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Post-Episode: 2014 Xmas Last Christmas, Post-Episode: s08e12 Death in Heaven, Sad with a Happy Ending, Second Chances, Starting Over, The Master really isn't in this...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:53:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22356709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissAppropriation/pseuds/MissAppropriation
Summary: Miraculously handed a second chance to travel with the Doctor, Clara has to set the record straight on one of the many lies she told. Set immediately afterLast Christmas, based on the concept that Clara remembered all her Splinter Lives. Warnings for mentions of CanonDeath In Heavencharacter death, but this is not an angst fic. Characters: Clara, 12th Doctor.
Relationships: Clara Oswin Oswald/Danny Pink, The Doctor & Clara Oswin Oswald, Twelfth Doctor & Clara Oswin Oswald
Kudos: 19





	Honesty

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so this is still the only DW fic I've written where the Master isn't even mentioned... Lol, I guess it had to happen _eventually_... ;p
> 
> Seriously though, I loved writing this. The end of Last Christmas is about the happiest I've ever seen these two characters and I wanted to show them reaching the new level of trust we see next season, especially after the mistakes we saw them both make at the end of the previous season.
> 
> Anyway... Enjoy! :)

**Honesty**

Clara stood in the TARDIS, surrounded by the familiar hum, the brushed metal, the glowing accent lights.

For a moment, looking around, she saw other TARDISes. Or more accurately, the same TARDIS.

_White roundels, brightly lit..._

_Coral overgrowth, brown and beige and alive..._

_A glass floor, the Console reaching up like a tree through the center, rooted somewhere deep and far below..._

Other rooms she'd been in during other lives.

The Doctor was bouncing around the Console, enthusiastically chattering away about planets and star systems and magical wonders with absurd alien names that didn't sound the least bit serious.

She blinked and saw other Doctors. The same man with the same excitement wearing different clothes and different faces.

The man she'd spent countless lifetimes saving. 

The man she'd never expected to see again.

She almost wondered if she was still dreaming... But this felt real in the way that the dream crab fantasies never quite had.

No, she was awake. 

But the thing she had dreamed about every day for the last year had come true. A second chance. 

Impossibly, though he _never_ came back... The Doctor had come back.

But in that year, Clara had made a promise to herself. A bargain. What she would say to him if somehow she ever saw him again.

And now, she knew she had to follow through.

"Doctor," she said.

He kept talking, covering lightyears in seconds, as if the speed at which he got the words out would propel the TARDIS to her destination faster.

"Doctor," Clara said, more insistently.

"... Or not," he said, scratching his head. "What about Jane Austen again? You two really hit it off last time."

Clara tried one more time. Because it was that important.

"Doctor," she said again.

He paused, looked up from the Console, fingers in his mouth like a five-year-old as he considered the infinite possible destinations the TARDIS offered. "Yeah," he responded. And he smiled, so happy. So trusting.

For one infinite moment, Clara almost backed down. She was about to shatter that trust. This might be the last time he ever looked at her like that.

That thought was like a knife through her heart.

_Was she really about to ruin everything?_

She'd only just gotten him back... 

And it would be so easy.

To just hold onto her secrets. To just _not_ tell him.

But, no. She couldn't. Not now.

She'd spent the last year kicking herself for the lies she'd told, for the damage she had done.

And it hadn't accomplished anything in the end. All her lies had done was leave her alone.

No, this time she was going to do it _right_.

The Doctor deserved better.

She thought about Danny, about how brave he had been when faced with an unimaginably horrible and unfair end. How he had been a hero. How he had saved the world.

How she missed him.

 _Let me be brave,_ she prayed.

Because with all the monsters she had faced and all the times she had died to save the Doctor... This was the most terrifying thing she had ever done.

He was still watching her, unsuspecting.

She gulped and closed her eyes for a moment. She forced the words out. "I have to tell you something."

"Sure!" he said. "Once we land, there'll be plenty of time to catch up."

Clara shook her head. "No, it has to be now. Because... Because once I tell you this, you might not want me to come with you."

She looked at him and saw worry cross his face. Almost alarm. He moved toward where she was standing, still by the entrance. "Clara? What is it? What's the matter?"

"No," she said, backing up a step and holding up her forefinger to stop him. "No. No, no. Don't be all concerned like that because that makes it so, _so_ much harder."

He stopped, eyes darting around. Confused and wondering if he should be confused.

Clara took a deep breath. "I lied to you," she said.

"I know," he answered. "I lied, too. I thought we already talked about that?"

Clara bit her lip and shook her head. "No, not just about Danny. I lied about something else. I lied..." It was so hard to say. "I lied about _you_."

Now he was frowning, perplexed and serious. "What do you mean?"

She gave him a pleading look. 

_Please, please don't be upset._

_Please, just give me a chance to make it up to you somehow..._

"I know everything about you," she said.

He squinted around the Console room, his mouth trying to form a response. Unsuccessfully. Then he just grimaced, at a loss. "What?"

"When I went into your timeline," Clara said, "everything I saw, all of _you_... I remember it."

There was a long pause. 

The only sound was the rhythmic hum of the TARDIS.

The Doctor was staring at her.

She couldn't tell what he was feeling.

He probably didn't know either.

Finally, he broke the silence. 

"... All of it?" he asked.

Clara nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. "Yeah," she admitted, barely above a whisper. "I didn't tell you because... Because I wasn't sure how you'd react. And I'm sorry, I'm really sorry I lied, truly I am. And if you want to turn around and take me right back home, I totally understand. But please, _please_ don't make me forget because I _like_ knowing you, _all_ of you and, and - and I think I've _earned_ it."

The Doctor went very still and his eyes got wide.

"Why would I make you forget?" the Doctor asked, shocked.

"It's happened before," Clara said quietly, sadly. She didn't really want to remind him of Donna, of Jamie and Zoe, but she had to explain. 

His mouth fell open but he didn't say anything.

"I don't know, maybe it's dangerous somehow?" Clara said, shaking her head. "But I don't think it is. It's been a long time and I'm fine, really." She paused. "I think. And I haven't told _anyone_ , just you, so no one could know."

Because she knew what had happened to companions who knew too much about the Doctor, the danger that had placed them in as the Time War drew near.

The Doctor's expression was impossible to read. "You thought I'd wipe your memory?" he asked.

Clara smiled, just a little. Not because she was happy. Just so he'd know it was all going to be ok. "If you had to. But..." She shook her head, begging. " _Please_ don't. Kick me out, take me home but... Leave me that, Doctor, please. Just leave me my memories of you."

He was frowning. His eyes were old and sad and full of loss.

Clara couldn't bear it for more than a few seconds.

"Well," she said, "say something. Shout at me, be all Scottish... Something."

"All this time..." he said slowly. "You remembered all of that?"

Of course... He had questions. The Doctor always had questions.

"It's all sort of mixed up," she qualified, gesturing at her head. "But... Yeah."

Still, he didn't say anything. He just stood there, staring at her, blinking.

"I really am sorry," she said sincerely. The tears started to overflow with the words. "I'd do anything to take it back. All this last year I just kept thinking, _I should have told him_ , and now it's too late and I've ruined everything and I know I betrayed you and I'm so, so _sorry_ , Doctor..."

"Clara, Clara. _Clara_!"

She looked up through the tears to see he was right in front of her now. Hands on her shoulders, head lowered to her eye level.

"What?" she asked, afraid of the response.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked. He was smiling.

_Why was he smiling?_

"What?" Clara asked, baffled.

"All of Time and all of Space..." he said earnestly. "Where would you like to go?"

And the look in his eyes was just the same as it always had been. Kind and sweet and full of wonder and like she was the only person in the entire Universe.

The tears came back. "Really?" she whispered.

"Oh, Clara Oswald," he said, wiping one of the tears away with his knuckle. "My Clara. You're not getting away that easily."

Clara let out a sob choked with relief. "I can be better, I promise," she vowed.

He just shook his head and for a moment it looked like he was laughing at her. "I don't need you to be better."

"I can, though," she assured him.

She'd thought about this, long and hard. He may not consider it important but... The Doctor wasn't always right.

"I just want you to be happy," he said sincerely. "I never would have left if I thought you wouldn't be happy."

Clara blinked, mildly surprised.

_When had he learned to communicate like that?_

The Doctor had clearly done some thinking of his own.

"I know," she nodded, recovering her voice. "Me too."

" _Are_ you happy, Clara?" he asked. He didn't seem quite sure.

"Yeah," Clara smiled, wiping away the tears. "Yeah, I am now."

"Yeah?" he asked. "Because you're crying and sometimes you smile when you're sad and... Really, I think your face might just be defective," he concluded seriously. "You should really get that looked at."

Clara laughed, covering said face with her hands.

_It was so, so good to have the Doctor back..._

When she looked up again, he was back at the Console. He glanced up with a smile, satisfied with where they had left the conversation.

"You're really not angry with me?" Clara had to ask.

"Why would I be angry?" he responded innocently.

_Because I lied to you, over and over. Because I tricked you._

_Because I know things about you that almost no one in the Universe does._

_And I never even told you._

"I know this must be weird for you," Clara tried, hesitantly.

"Yeah... Well." He put a hand to his head, ruffling his gray hair. It was a bit longer than the last time she had seen him. 

Clara wondered how much time had gone by for him. 

"It must be weird for you, too," he acknowledged. "What's that like?" he asked, openly curious now. "Remembering being all those people?"

Clara laughed, because in all the versions of this conversation that she'd imagined, it had never gone quite this well. "It's... Confusing sometimes."

He was shaking his head, thinking. "How did you even retain that?" he wondered aloud.

Clara spread her arms, let them drop to her sides helplessly. "I have no idea," she admitted.

The Doctor's eyes slid to the TARDIS Console. Slowly, one side of his mouth lifted in the self-judging smile of someone who had just realized that two plus two equalled four.

"I really am sorry," Clara said again, taking a couple steps in his direction. "That I lied."

He paused and looked her right in the eye so she'd know he meant it. "Clara Oswald..." he smiled. "I will _always_ forgive you."

"It's still ok then?" she had to ask. Because it really, really shouldn't have been ok. "If I come with you?"

He shrugged humorously, his expression vulnerable. "Oh... If you still want to waste your time wandering around the Universe with this stupid old man and his big blue box."

"Yeah," Clara laughed. Who could say no to that invitation? " _Yeah._ Absolutely."

"Good." He ducked his head to hide the big grin on his face. "First off, you should get changed. You may not know this but there are planets out there where showing up in your nightgown is considered slightly impolite."

Clara leaped forward and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "I am so happy to see you, Doctor," she said.

"Ugh, the hugging _again_ ," he groaned, standing there stiff and awkward. "Do you know how far you can travel in the Universe without someone trying to hug you? But I can't be in the same room with you for five minutes without you trying to throttle the life out of me. It's like an attack," he pouted.

Clara ignored him, burying her face further into his jacket with a smile.

"You know," he said uncertainly after a few more seconds, "that really is very uncomfortable. Are you going to let go anytime soon?"

"No," Clara told him emphatically. "Not ever. I am never letting go of you _ever_ again."

"Ok..." the Doctor said, sounding slightly concerned. "I will need my arms back at some point, though. To fly the TARDIS." He jerked his arms a little to demonstrate his inability to break free.

Clara gave him one last squeeze and released him. He huffed dramatically like a sulky teenager and returned to the Console without making eye contact.

Still smiling, Clara started towards the wardrobe room.

"Clara."

She turned back. 

The Doctor was grinning at her from across the Console. He waggled his eyebrows and eyed the controls. 

"Where to?" he asked.

Clara thought for a moment and then just shook her head. 

All of Time and Space to choose from and she couldn't even care less. Because there was magic in the world... And her wish had already come true.

"Anywhere," she replied.

_With you, Doctor... Anywhere._

_The End_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! :) <3 <3


End file.
